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2009-10 Quotacular Spectacular
Posted By ChrisDickson on Tuesday 17 November 2009 at 04:46 pm - Quote
Lets start those quote juices flowing afresh! Loch Lochy '09
Posted By SallieC on Tuesday 24 November 2009 at 07:28 pm - Quote
Loch Lochy 09 Quotes
Charlotte: ...what?? Im not looking for Nigels Penis!
Eilidh: Theres something between my legs!
Sallie: Its like musical chairs, but we sit on men...take that as you will
To Willie during Musical Men:
Rosie: Its the other leg! *points with foot to correct mistake and âaccidentallyâ kicks him in a certain tender area instead.*
Eilidh: Whys it wet down there? ... my potato scone is soggy!
Becky: Did you see Nigel come in my face?
Ross: Does it look like Ive wet myself?
Steph: the 750 Vodkas are gone!!
Nicci: every time you come near me, my watch falls off. Are you a pikey or what?!
*Sallie pokes Finns pocket*
Sallie: You have an unsightly trouser bulge.
Finn: Did you just touch the bulge in my trousers?
Sallie:...yes. yes i believe i did.
âDuffy broke my sonâ (anon.)
Chris Dickson: Nigel...Nigel, I want no rape this weekend...even safe rape is rape.
*after Chris Dickson has been wearing a moustache for about ten hours*
Sallie: You like that moustache dont you.
Dickson: Not really, its rather itchy *strokes moustache affectionately*
Sallie (to Dickson): are you sat on the pencil?
Dickson: Sallie, listen, I have felt ever corner of my arse and I am NOT SAT ON A PENCIL!
Finn:....HA!...
Robbie: I still want the features of a woman-but I really want a moustache! I think it suits me...
Nicci: Oh look, ive found a bottle of lube!...this is my kinky suitcase, my normal suitcase broke.
Sarah: I was daydreaming and then suddenly it was wet!
(...she stepped in a puddle on the walk...so she says.)
Eilidh (to Jamie): Pass me the wet thing.
Nigel: Corned beef is my bitch.
Sallie (To Jon whilst watching Cam cook): ...did you just say âblessed are the cheesemakers?!
Nick (on Australians): Do their years start in January?
Duffy: Ive got a massive wad!
Stephen: Chris, Im just about to enter your area.
*after having been playing monopoly for well over an hour*
Jennie:...what does monopoly mean?
Dave: Weve got skills with a âZ
Stephen: Yeah, respect mate- with an âR
Jennie:...how else do you spell ârespect?!
Ross: Youre not supposed to flash them!
Ewan Mood: Imagine if you were a cow, Id make it my lifes ambition to get over a cattle grid.
Kirsty: Yeah but the farmer would shoot you to make an example out of you to the other cows.
Mood: Like Auschwitz but for cows.
House: Yeah, cowschwitz.
Nigel: Okay, we're putting Pentonville road to auction. Shall we start the bidding at £100?
Dave: £300!
[repeat for Coventry St. and Bond St.]
Steph: I'm quite comfortable actually. I don't mind sleeping with my head in the toilet.
Jennie: People always think i look older than 18.
Dave: What, are you standing around in your braces saying âmake me a burger and fries, bitch!â?
Nigel: That's an orgasm in a bucket.
*deciding on rules for ring of fire*
Sallie: What shall we make Queens?
Dave: How about Categories?
Stephen: What's that?
Dave: like, if I say âtypes of vegetablesâ, we'd go âcarrot, orange, banana...â
Chris Duffy: Can i drink one of Robbi's fingers?...they're smaller.
Steve (to Dave): Look at the size of that head!
Sallie: Jennie, i'd like another finger out of that!
Dave (in a game of fives with three people left...in german): zwanzig! (Twenty!)
Sallie: Get some alcohol! And be quick about it. We've only got five cards left...and by five, i mean ... six... i don't do maths, honest!
Cat (to ross): It's okay, you don't have AIDS!
Eilidh: It's easier to grab it by the head than the shaft
[...apparently whilst playing spoons....right.]
Duffy (in pub quiz): You get points off for...shitness.
Lydia House: We need a musical metaphor for premature ejaculation!
*Willie pokes Heather with a condomed cucumber*
Finn:...well, at least they're safe.
House: You should be careful with your penis.
Nigel: FREEEEEESH MEAT!
Bob: My name's not Ollie...
âBob's lifeâ (?)
Bob:You just gin raped me!
Anon: Bob, i think we both know that's not the case...
Duffy: No, you wouldn't want me, I'm no good in the kitchen and i've got appalling suction.
Dave: Look! There's chickens over there! Let's try and lure them over by making egg noises!
Jennie: There are chickens over there, there are sheep over there...what's in that field?!
Stephen: Do you mean those rocks?
Stephen: Is it wrong to suck Jelly babies?!
Jennie: How many walls do you see here? None. Exactly. That's why they graffiti cheese.
Dickson (over the mic on the bus): CHRIS DUFFY HAS BEEN LICKED.
And the Quote Of The Weekend:
Cameron Duffy: I'm so drunk I could rape a pheasant!
[All these quotes are taken from the Loch Lochy Quote Book 2009, as edited by ST(I). Most were drunkenly shouted and transcribed. EUWB take no responsibility for any un-PC comments. Appologies for any incorrect spellings of names or wrong words...as said, most were noted drunkenly and I had to attempt to work out what they said...any missed out were unintelligible, removed by the editor for reasons of being un-funny or you only imagine you wrote them down when you were pished.]
RE: loch lochy
Posted By SallieC on Tuesday 24 November 2009 at 07:29 pm - Quote
' is infact an apostrophe... RE:
Posted By ChrisDickson on Tuesday 24 November 2009 at 09:44 pm - Quote
Excellent! RE:
Posted By Alex B on Friday 27 November 2009 at 11:19 pm - Quote
Stickied, Read, lolled, password is about to be changed to chris ;) RE:
Posted By SallieC on Saturday 12 December 2009 at 08:09 pm - Quote
After concert:
Graham to Nick: ...You're like a black man who bleaches his skin...
Pints:
Dave: Don't go there Steve, you won't suck me down there!
Christmas meal:
Steve: ...it's like a hamster kebab
Jennie: I'm eating!
Dave: But not meat, it's fine!
*a minute or so later when conversation has moved on to guys peeing with chilli on their hands and the penis in general*
Jennie: I'm EATING!!
Cara: But not meat, it's fine!
Dave (really concerned to Steve): who said i had small nipples? Hallowe'en
Posted By Stephen on Tuesday 22 December 2009 at 11:02 pm - Quote
test Hallowe'en Social 7Nov09
Posted By Stephen on Tuesday 22 December 2009 at 11:04 pm - Quote
Nick: "If we get a buffet we'll need to take a picture of nigel with it"
Stephen: "Why?"
Nick: "Because dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner BATMAN!"
- Nick justifies our needs to buy more alcohol in order to receive a free buffet
Dave: "I don't like miniskirts. They just say "I've got an STI and I'm proud of it!" "
- Fashion advice from the Colombian paedo
Rowena: "It was more swallowing than sucking, to be honest"
- Rowena explains her technique for drinking her share of the massive pitcher
Nigel: "No! You CAN'T see my pec dents!"
- The batman costume wasn't really that tight a fit on Nigel
Bouncer [to Ewan]: "If i let you in, you'd better lay off the alcohol. pal. It's obvious that you're pretty fucked already and I don't want you falling around on the floor in there"
- It's fair to say that Ewan had already had a few before we got to Potterrow
Nick: "We should have a paedophile party!"
- Apprciation of Dave's pink frilly shirt - maybe not the next social
Stephen: "You've just ruined Hitler!"
- Dan's forfeit moustache was drawn all wrong
Chris: "Bist du ein Schuhgeschaeft?" (are you a shoeshop?)
Ewan: Ja
- Ewan fails to grasp basic german knowledge
Cara: "Hitler! Save the queen!"
- Dan is encouraged to down his drink after a crafty penny was dropped in his pint
Nick: "I've just sung the Poddington Peas with Hitler!"
- Co caption needed
Jenni: "Who's Nick Griffin again? Is he on Holby City or something?"
- It seems the BNP aren't as influential in the Manchester area as previously thought
Cath (nice lady frm Southcider) [to Dave]: "You don't sound like you're from Glasgow, you look a bit like a poofter"
- Yet more appreciation for Dave's outfit General Nov09
Posted By Stephen on Monday 28 December 2009 at 07:26 pm - Quote
Jennie: "She's [Robbie] not here coz she's got a friend up/down, wherever it is. I dont know where she lives, I don't know the biology of Scotland"
Olli: [after hearing Stephen and Ali speak in comedy Westcountry accents] "The Worzels ocurred to me in a dream once"
Stephen: "Do you like 12-year-olds Nigel?"
Nigel: "Well, my brother is 10, does that count?"
Dave: "Bob the Builder is not GAY! He stands around with his cheque-shirt and tool belt as if to say - Look at my digger, I'm definitely a man!" Hogmanay09
Posted By Stephen on Friday 1 January 2010 at 05:28 pm - Quote
Cameron: "I'm so cold I would have sex with a polar bear just for the cuddles afterwards" Hogmanay09
Posted By Stephen on Friday 1 January 2010 at 05:29 pm - Quote
Dave: "Oh, leave me alone! I know I'm not the smartest knife in the box!" RE:
Posted By ChrisDuffy on Friday 1 January 2010 at 05:41 pm - Quote
A mix of quotes I've got...
Sallie: I'm going to walk with him, he's got an umbrella. Wait! I've got ears!
When you're an elephant, you never need a brolly...
Sallie: Give me an official fingering!
Living up to her title...
Chris Duffy: I don't need sharps, I have an out-of-tune clarinet. I can play anything I want!
The other social sec showing his awesome musical abilities...
Graham Longbottom: If you can get a heavy vehicle with 50 people going from Paris to Edinburgh you should at least be able to get a good cup of tea on it!
The dapper hobo. 'Nuff said.
Ali: You pushed me out of your vagina - that must count for something!
Ali talking to mummy Nick.
Finn: Two good things put together do not necessarily make a better thing. Fireworks - awesome. Sex - awesome. Sex with fireworks - bad idea.
Sage words from Mr Tessier-Lavigne.
Cammy: People who first meet Dave often think he's gay.
Anon: Yeah, you do seem a little bit gay. You'vve got a bit of a gay vibe...
Dave "Heterosexual" Brown. Leading on to...
Steve: Oh, I forgot Dave flew!
Chris: Yeah, hence the fascination with Topgun.
Steve: I thought that was because he was a little bit gay.
Steve and Chris on Dave. While Dave was sitting between us at the time.
Dave: No, my friend Euan, the one with the big head. He's not ego-testicle, he's just got a large cranium.
Dave being Dave.
Cammy: Have you ever fucked a pheasant?
Anon: No, I'm a vegetarian.
Cammy and Sallie's flatmate's friend. RE:
Posted By SallieC on Thursday 21 January 2010 at 03:51 pm - Quote
At an unofficial band night out...
Duffy: Dave, you know, strippers have feelings too.
Duffy: Dave, you look like a sugarpuff monster that's been strategically shaved. RE:
Posted By Stephen on Sunday 24 January 2010 at 03:26 pm - Quote
Duffy: Ahhhh, I'm gonna sit on someone's instrument tonight!
Longbottom: There's nothing fashionable about chasing a hat down the street!
Sallie: Remind me, it's in my right boob [cloakroom ticket]
Lisa: [Whilst leaning precariously against a doorframe] I'm perfectly sober, it's all ok! RE:
Posted By Stephen on Sunday 24 January 2010 at 03:31 pm - Quote
Sallie: Can I come on your show as your wife, Dave?
Dave: You don't want to be Mrs Brown. No-one wants to be brown... RE:
Posted By SallieC on Thursday 28 January 2010 at 07:31 pm - Quote
Jamie was buying a ceilidh ticket from Sallie with Chris Dickson standing by...
Sallie-Soooo, wind band, are you in brass band as well?
Jamie: no no...
Dickson:You're not female then?
Jamie:...not yet.
in a few years time will it still be Mr Jamie Loan? or will it be Miss Jamie Loan? RE:
Posted By Stephen on Sunday 31 January 2010 at 10:31 pm - Quote
Dave: I like that guy [waiter in Suruchi]. He's funny in a rotund way.
Duffy: Dave, it's people like you that let the Nazi's get away with it for so long!
Duffy: To be honest, I don't want to be stuck naked in a cake with you. No offence, I mean you're small [Sallie] and the whole comfortableness thing would bebetter than if it was, say, Chris Dickson, but the fact remains that I'm not OK with being naked in a cake with anyone. RE:
Posted By Stephen on Sunday 31 January 2010 at 10:34 pm - Quote
For the record: The last quote by "Duffy" was sent to myself via text message by Mr C A Duffy Esq himself. RE:
Posted By SallieC on Saturday 13 February 2010 at 11:35 pm - Quote
A quote recieved from Mr Duffy via text on pub golf night
Eilidh: I drank baileys and lime out of a condom once. It was actually okay.
...not sure how this conversation came about...not sure if i want to know... RE:
Posted By Stephen on Sunday 14 February 2010 at 04:14 pm - Quote
Lisa: I eat it, though, when it's presented to me.
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